Finally got my new keyboard, so I can write on my blog. Couldn't do it from my phone and I have had moments this week, where I wanted to. Those moments where thoughts go through my head and I know they are blog entries. So, since I couldn't do it when I wanted too, I'll do it all in one. Hence the title, this and that.
Winter is starting to leave my little part of the world. The thermometer outside is inching upwards and not dipping so low, even at night. The tulips that I planted, on that cold day last fall are starting to burst forth. I made some mistakes in planting them, which I have taken mental notes from and will do them differently this fall, when I try it again but I am still pleased that some of them are growing. It was the first time I ever planted bulbs of any sort and so it was a learning experience for me. We try things and we learn as we grow. Life is no different.
I believe that for as long as we are alive, we are learning. Unless we shut our hearts down completely, we are growing and experiencing things and sometimes we triumph and other times we fail, either way we learn. If we don't get it right the first time, that's okay, because there is always tomorrow to try it again. I am beginning to understand that the end result isn't always as important as the trying and like a friend once told me "there aren't to many things that you do, that can't be undone." Lesson being, don't be afraid to try.
I believe that the winter freeze is starting to leave my heart as well. It's been a long two almost three years. We have been on a journey and it has tried every part of me. My faith has been tested and tried, I have been battered and blown around but because of God's strength, I have survived. No, I have done more than survive, I have grown, I have gotten wiser and I have discovered pieces of myself I never knew existed. It's a good thing. We have spent the last three years in a lot of prayer. Asking God for direction and guidance. As I read about Moses, Noah, Joseph and others, I know that the journey isn't always fast. I was hoping when we started praying three years ago, it wouldn't take so long, but I know that the waiting is producing fruit. Yet, in the words of a song that is running through my head "the waiting is the hardest part."
I believe that we have finally come to a cross roads, that will answer a lot of questions. We remain in prayer and we continue to wait but I think that when this time is done, we will know more. At least that's my hope. I trust in the fact that God knows what's best in all circumstances and that he will lead us when the time is right, I just am hoping to SEE more soon.
I have started writing again after a small hiatus. Truthfully, after the first book, I didn't know if I was going to do it again. I was proud of it, then I wasn't, now I am again. Like my bulbs this past fall, I made some mistakes with the book. Things that had I taken a little more time, had a different set of eyes or just done it differently, wouldn't have been there, but I have learned from those mistakes, I will take a different approach to the second one, have more than one set of eyes survey it and hopefully, avoid the pitfalls from the first one. I was discouraged for awhile after the first one. Not because of the sales. Those were actually better than I had expected. I just felt I hadn't done what I set out to do. Anyone that knows me well will tell you that I am my own worst enemy and harder on myself than anyone else could be. I second guessed it to a point where I wore myself out and almost to a point where I wasn't going to do it again. Yet, after time, I got over myself, learned from my mistakes and I am back to writing.
This next book is more personal. It has taken me on a familiar but not so inviting journey. I have had to revisit ghosts from the past, that I swore I never would again and I have come face to face with some dark spots in my life that have been hard. Yet, once the door was kicked open and some light shined in, I have noticed that they have been less difficult to face. It's amazing how God does that. I didn't want to take this journey, but I am glad that I am. If it draws me closer to God and frees me from the burdens of the past, I am all for going there.
Maybe a little more freedom is what we all need. Life shouldn't be about being tied to the past. There will always be good things that we want to keep around, but we need to learn to cut the cords to the bad and if walking through my own, helps someone do the same, then the journey will be more than worth it.
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