Eight years ago today, life as we know it changed.  I remember I was in the kitchen, making my then year old baby some toast and my father in law came running down the steps yelling "We are at war.  We're at war."  We all thought maybe he had lost his mind until he turned on the T.V. and we stood there in time to watch the second plane go into the World Trade Center.  We stood silent, in disbelief having no idea what was happening or why.

I remember feeling numb at the prospect at what had just happened.  I remember looking out the window and seeing a red bird fly off the post in front of our house.  Outside, everything seemed so normal, like an average day, yet nothing was the same and it never would be again.

  I gathered my baby out of the high chair and we went into the living room where we would be for days it seemed.  Watching in horror the sights that were coming live to us from New York City.  I can remember after a few minutes saying to my in laws "I have to get my kids.  They need to be home."  I called the school and the principal told me to come and get them.  I rushed to the car and drove as quick as I could to the school.

When I arrived, the sight was unlike anything I had ever seen before.  I remember pulling out front and seeing a rush of parents running into the building to retrieve their babies as well.  It looked like a reverse exodus and I can remember thinking how surreal it all seemed.  I ran in and the vice principal, who I knew well, had my kids waiting for me and while they had no idea what was happening, I ran to them, wrapped them up in a hug and wept.  Our nation, it seemed, had lost it's mind and nothing seemed to make sense, but their faces did.

Once we arrived home, the scenes from around the country were still unfolding live for us to see.  The plane that went down about an hour from our home, and all the lives that had been lost.  The people running toward the towers, screaming out loved ones names and the horror that would continue to grow, as the days went on, in lives lost, families shattered and a nation that would never be the same.

I remember growing up and hearing people recall where they were when major events in our world took place.  Where they were when the Kennedy brothers were assassinated, where they were when Martin Luther King Jr. died and other major events that rocked our world.  I always wondered what that would be like, now I knew.

I remember thinking that this would be unlike anything we'd ever see again.  I pray that I was right, because the trauma and fear of those days, were something I hope we never have to go through again.

There were many brave men and women that surfaced from that day.  People who gave their lives for people they never knew and did it because that was the right thing to do.  Heroic acts that blew our minds, broke our hearts and left us forever grateful for the men and women in the world we live in.

Eight years ago, our nation changed.  Have we recovered?  I'm not sure if we have fully.  There have been many things that have changed since then and many things that will never be the same.  The naive bubble that many lived in before that has been forever shattered and I am not sure that it will ever be replaced.  We have seen into the abyss and we know how ugly it can be and once you've viewed that, I'm not sure you can ever go back.

We remember today the lives lost, the lives given for others and the ones that suffer directly as a result.  We ask God's fullest blessings on their lives and ask that the unity we saw in the days that followed 9/11, once again surface and unite us once again.  Not because of tragedy but because this is a nation that should be united.  It's people need the unity and we need to be as one.

Today is a day we will never forget, but may we also never forget the sacrifices made and may we always hold those lost and their families close to our hearts.

God Bless America, Our Home Sweet Home.

At that time Jesus said, "I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children

                                           Matthew 11:25

I remember when our son  Nathaniel was about four he had an issue with wearing clothes.  Many Autistic children do, because certain fabrics irritate them and it's just hard for them to deal with having them on for long periods of time.  It took time to figure out which fabrics he would wear and which he wouldn't, but once we did, the clothing stayed on.  One summer afternoon, he was outside with his granddaddy and he had on a pair of cotton shorts, that I managed to coax him into.  We were going to a festival later in the day, so I was letting him wear as little as possible, until it was time to get dressed to go, so he wouldn't fuss about the clothing he had to wear for the evening.

He and his granddaddy were outside and grandpa went around to the back of the house for just a moment, to hang up his rake.  While he was gone, Natey stripped out of his shorts and underclothes, ran out the gate, dropped his clothes on the neighbors porch and headed down the street in his birthday suite.

Grandpa came around the corner and saw the bubbles he had been playing with and assumed he had gone into the house.  Our neighbor, saw him deposit his clothing on her porch and headed out the door to catch him.  She figured he escaped the yard and she knew for a fact there was no way, any of us were letting him head down the side walk sans clothing.

About four doors down from our house was a church and this particular Sunday afternoon, they were having a special church service in the afternoon.  It was a celebration day, so the church was packed and Natey heard the singing and decided to venture in.  When he got to the back of the church, he could see through the double doors, the statue of Jesus up front and so he went into the aisle and said "Hi Jesus, it's me, Natey."  Imagine the surprise on all the people's faces when they saw this naked little boy, standing in the aisle, grinning and waving at Jesus.

My neighbor hit the double doors in time to hear his salutation and the eruption of laughter.  She scooped my little one up in her arms and brought him home, tears running down her cheeks from laughing so hard.  When she knocked on the door, I was confused.  She relayed the story, inbetween fits of laughter and with each word, I felt my face grow more red.  By the time his grandpa had made it inside, the whole living room was filled with laughter.  He wondered what had happened and after I relayed the story, I swear I never saw him laugh as hard, as he did right at that moment.

Later that night at the festival, there were many people there who were in the church service and they just couldn't stop telling us how cute he was and how hilarious the day had been.  When I was tucking him into bed that night, I said "Natey, remember, we do not leave the yard without clothes on and we especially do not go into a church naked."  He smiled at me and said "Jesus loves me just how I am."

I was blown away.  Not that I condone naked church going, but he was wise enough to grasp that regardless of how we are, Jesus loves us.  We don't have to dress up, or primp before coming to him.  All we have to do is come and he will accept us and take us right where we are, just as we are.  If there are some hiccups, he'll guide us through them and he'll begin to work on us, from where we are and no extra requirements are needed.

I was thinking back to that last night and I remembered the lesson behind the funny story.  God is good and regardless of what is happening in our world, he loves us.  If we make mistakes, fail or fall flat on our faces he loves us anyways.  If we come to him with skinned knees and elbows and dirt on our face, he still sees us in perfection and he felt so compelled to share that love, that he died on the cross for us.

What a wonderful blessing to know that the one who holds our Heavenly eternity in his hands, doesn't expect us to jump through hoops, perform or be more than what we are, for him to love us.  He made us, He knows us and imperfections and all, he takes us just as we are.

I have a dentist appointment today.  Now typically, this isn't the stuff a blog is made of, well at least not mine, but this is a little different.  Today is the day I go in to hear what it's going to take to get me new teeth.  Okay, so I know what it's going to take.  Remove the teeth that's left and replace them with dentures.  For some, this is an off limits conversation, almost taboo, for me, it's really not that big of a deal.  The reality is that my original teeth that I was born with, are all but gone and I need fake ones so that when I smile, I look like everyone else.

I once had someone say to me "Oh it won't bother you for people to know you have fake teeth?"  I hadn't really thought about it and I guess the fact that I am blogging about it, answers that question.  While I hate the way it looks right now, I am not ashamed that the teeth I will soon have, will not be the original factory models.  Let's face it, while it's happening to me at an earlier age than most, at some point and time, many people, will have fake ones.  There will be some that will be blessed with their originals into old age and that is a great thing, but as it goes with mine, that's not the case.

Now, not that I have to explain, but I will that my loss of teeth had nothing to do with lack of care, an eating disorder or drug and alcohol abuse.  I say all those things because I have had those things said to me and about me.  Truth of the matter is, when I was younger, I had straight, albeit a bit big, but straight, white, beautiful teeth.  Then there was this one in the back.  It had a cavity, I went to the dentist and he filled it.  The filling came out, the tooth got infected and it caused all kind of problems.

Now at this time I was living with my dad and he didn't feel it was a great problem, well that was until it abscessed and swelled my face to balloon proportions and I was writhing in pain.  Then he decided we'd better do something about it.  Off to the ER we went and the abscessed was lanced and medication was given.  Later that week, another trip to the dentist, resulted in a root canal.

Little did we all know that the infection I had then, had gotten into my gums and began to weaken the roots of not just that tooth, but all of them.  Later on in life, after having four very large babies to C-Sections, my thyroid stopped working and it weakened what strength was left in the roots and they began to fall out.  Sort of anti climatic when you compare them to people's perceptions, but truth none the less.  Now, to have the work done, I needed dental insurance and it hasn't been until now, that I was able to get good enough insurance to get them done.

So here I am, on the horizon of  a life change.  Some would say "how is this a life change?" but for me it will be, because I have been going so long without them, that it will be odd to see me again with them.  Yet it is a change that I am ready for.

Never a person that wanted to be just like everyone else, I must say this is one time, where it will be nice to be the same.  I have learned some important lessons about people's character, perceptions and behaviors through this time.  I have learned lessons about tolerance and about how much we can miss out on, by judging a book by it's cover.

Most people, don't want to ask.  I respect that they are trying to not hurt my feelings, but it's been so long, I don't mind, when it's done in a respectful way.  Now when it's a situation like the woman in the dental care aisle at Wal-Mart one day telling her little girl who was six or seven "See honey, you always want to know why you need to brush, that's why" it's embarrassing and hurts my feelings, but for the most part, I can handle it.

Yet what is hard to deal with is when people stare, when you talk and they look at your mouth instead of your eyes and while for the most part I can handle it, I would be lying if I said at times it doesn't make me self conscious, because it does.  I have had the reverse things happen like people say "Smile, what's the matter, don't you have any teeth?"  then when I smile they go "Oh!"  It's awkward and your never sure what to say but I believe it helps people think twice before they speak.  I will say that most people don't mean to be rude or offensive, it's just that we live in a world where we are accustomed to speaking first and thinking later and if nothing else, I have learned through this to do just the opposite.

So I will go today and have this man poke and prod inside my mouth.  Hopefully he will be a nice man, with compassion.  I am not a big fan of dentists because since all this happened, the ones I have seen, have been less than.  One called me a crack addict to my face, in front of a waiting room full of people.  One, meaning well I think, gave me a phamplet about homeless shelters that "care," while another just said "Well, this is what happens when you guzzle sweets and forget what a tooth brush is for."  These experiences have left me leery to say the least.  Even as I write this, I can feel the nervousness rising up in my stomach.

But regardless of what he thinks, I will go and I will get it done, because it's something that I have wanted done for a long time.  I will go because I get tired of being different and the intolerance that comes with it and I will go mostly because I know I will feel better in the end and it's better for my own health and well being.

Yet I will remember that not everything is how it seems and I need to dig a little deeper before I make an opinion.  I will remember that if I don't know the story, I won't make an opinion because unless I hear it from the person, then I truly have no idea what's going on and I will remember that the person that others are looking at, probably is more uncomfortable than I could ever imagine and what I need to have is compassion and grace and not judgements or attitude.

This has been a tough way to learn these lessons, but looking back, if this was the only way to have learned them as well as I have, I'd do it again and each time I smile and see the teeth, each time I'm out in public and people don't look at me any differently anymore than they do anyone else, I will remember and thank God for lessons learned.  It was a hard road, but it was one, that has been worth it after all.