I have a dentist appointment today. Now typically, this isn't the stuff a blog is made of, well at least not mine, but this is a little different. Today is the day I go in to hear what it's going to take to get me new teeth. Okay, so I know what it's going to take. Remove the teeth that's left and replace them with dentures. For some, this is an off limits conversation, almost taboo, for me, it's really not that big of a deal. The reality is that my original teeth that I was born with, are all but gone and I need fake ones so that when I smile, I look like everyone else.
I once had someone say to me "Oh it won't bother you for people to know you have fake teeth?" I hadn't really thought about it and I guess the fact that I am blogging about it, answers that question. While I hate the way it looks right now, I am not ashamed that the teeth I will soon have, will not be the original factory models. Let's face it, while it's happening to me at an earlier age than most, at some point and time, many people, will have fake ones. There will be some that will be blessed with their originals into old age and that is a great thing, but as it goes with mine, that's not the case.
Now, not that I have to explain, but I will that my loss of teeth had nothing to do with lack of care, an eating disorder or drug and alcohol abuse. I say all those things because I have had those things said to me and about me. Truth of the matter is, when I was younger, I had straight, albeit a bit big, but straight, white, beautiful teeth. Then there was this one in the back. It had a cavity, I went to the dentist and he filled it. The filling came out, the tooth got infected and it caused all kind of problems.
Now at this time I was living with my dad and he didn't feel it was a great problem, well that was until it abscessed and swelled my face to balloon proportions and I was writhing in pain. Then he decided we'd better do something about it. Off to the ER we went and the abscessed was lanced and medication was given. Later that week, another trip to the dentist, resulted in a root canal.
Little did we all know that the infection I had then, had gotten into my gums and began to weaken the roots of not just that tooth, but all of them. Later on in life, after having four very large babies to C-Sections, my thyroid stopped working and it weakened what strength was left in the roots and they began to fall out. Sort of anti climatic when you compare them to people's perceptions, but truth none the less. Now, to have the work done, I needed dental insurance and it hasn't been until now, that I was able to get good enough insurance to get them done.
So here I am, on the horizon of a life change. Some would say "how is this a life change?" but for me it will be, because I have been going so long without them, that it will be odd to see me again with them. Yet it is a change that I am ready for.
Never a person that wanted to be just like everyone else, I must say this is one time, where it will be nice to be the same. I have learned some important lessons about people's character, perceptions and behaviors through this time. I have learned lessons about tolerance and about how much we can miss out on, by judging a book by it's cover.
Most people, don't want to ask. I respect that they are trying to not hurt my feelings, but it's been so long, I don't mind, when it's done in a respectful way. Now when it's a situation like the woman in the dental care aisle at Wal-Mart one day telling her little girl who was six or seven "See honey, you always want to know why you need to brush, that's why" it's embarrassing and hurts my feelings, but for the most part, I can handle it.
Yet what is hard to deal with is when people stare, when you talk and they look at your mouth instead of your eyes and while for the most part I can handle it, I would be lying if I said at times it doesn't make me self conscious, because it does. I have had the reverse things happen like people say "Smile, what's the matter, don't you have any teeth?" then when I smile they go "Oh!" It's awkward and your never sure what to say but I believe it helps people think twice before they speak. I will say that most people don't mean to be rude or offensive, it's just that we live in a world where we are accustomed to speaking first and thinking later and if nothing else, I have learned through this to do just the opposite.
So I will go today and have this man poke and prod inside my mouth. Hopefully he will be a nice man, with compassion. I am not a big fan of dentists because since all this happened, the ones I have seen, have been less than. One called me a crack addict to my face, in front of a waiting room full of people. One, meaning well I think, gave me a phamplet about homeless shelters that "care," while another just said "Well, this is what happens when you guzzle sweets and forget what a tooth brush is for." These experiences have left me leery to say the least. Even as I write this, I can feel the nervousness rising up in my stomach.
But regardless of what he thinks, I will go and I will get it done, because it's something that I have wanted done for a long time. I will go because I get tired of being different and the intolerance that comes with it and I will go mostly because I know I will feel better in the end and it's better for my own health and well being.
Yet I will remember that not everything is how it seems and I need to dig a little deeper before I make an opinion. I will remember that if I don't know the story, I won't make an opinion because unless I hear it from the person, then I truly have no idea what's going on and I will remember that the person that others are looking at, probably is more uncomfortable than I could ever imagine and what I need to have is compassion and grace and not judgements or attitude.
This has been a tough way to learn these lessons, but looking back, if this was the only way to have learned them as well as I have, I'd do it again and each time I smile and see the teeth, each time I'm out in public and people don't look at me any differently anymore than they do anyone else, I will remember and thank God for lessons learned. It was a hard road, but it was one, that has been worth it after all.
Comments (2)
I hope your appointment went great, and soon you'll have a beautiful new smile to match your beautiful spirit!!
I second what Christy said! I love you!